Let Me Count the Sighs

My two granddaughters, whom I love dearly,  will celebrate their third and fourth birthdays in less than seventy days. 

I am very grateful to be a part of their lives, to know them, and to have them know me. 

Their Nana takes care of them two days a week, and I, their Grandma, take over the other two days while my daughter-in-law works.

 I've been asked often if the girls are twins. The two were born thirteen months apart and are of similar height and looks but are much more widespread in personality. One is overly cautious yet talkative and animated, while the other bulldozes through life, sometimes quietly, sometimes screaming, and not much in between.

Sometimes, the girls sleep late or take long naps, and sometimes, they don’t take naps at all. Some days, it’s all please and thank-yous, and some days, they test their lungs to see how loud they can yell and how far the high-pitched squeal will travel. (I’ve already apologized to the neighbors.)  Somedays, they play together like loving sisters and hug each other often,  and other days, I find a wad of pulled-out hair on the floor. Some days, the house is full of laughter; some days, there are tears, boo-boos, and Mickey Mouse bandaids.

Every day, I tell them how much I love them, no matter what kind of day it has been.

The plan this week is to conquer potty training once and for all. The one who likes to sleep with absolute quiet will learn to sleep in the same room as the one who likes Disney music playing in the background.  I bought a couple of new toys and games. I found a new movie. We will pay a visit to the local zoo. 

 We will be so busy that they will look forward to their naps!

 I can do it all and still keep up with my writing and the laundry.  I was feeling pretty darn confident. 

On day one, even with the nasty, dreary weather outside, I was smiling on the inside! I have my rhythm going and plans to fulfill. Bring it on! I’m ready! 

By the end of that first day, my enthusiasm had waned quite a bit. Still, we all came out alive. 

The best part of the day was that it didn’t rain and we could go to the park. The worst part was my youngest granddaughter wanted to do the exact opposite of whatever was being asked of her.  All day.  That meant no nap. It turned out that she had the beginnings of a cold, stuffy nose, and a fever that went up as the sun went down.  

The next afternoon, my oldest granddaughter came down with the same symptoms, only a bit more severe. 

All the grand plans for the week went out with the trash bag full of used tissues.

They watched a lot of the Disney channel on the couch with their blankets and pillows. All four of the Toy Story movies are the best!

Sigh.

And then, on day four, I felt it.

 “I rarely get sick. I take a lot of vitamins.  It’ll be fine. It’s not that bad,” I told myself.  

 At first, it was just a little sore throat. I took a Tylenol and had some tea. 

The following day, Saturday, my weekend, it was a full-blown head cold, the kind that feels like a vice is on your head. I slowly shuffled towards the Keurig.  Surely, the coffee will help me feel like myself again. 

And it does, for a few minutes.

Sigh.  (I sigh a lot when things don't go the way that I think they should.)

Suddenly, I feel the urge to sit down.  Maybe I’ll make a yogurt parfait?  Fresh berries, some granola on yogurt.  Whatever germs have attacked me, they don’t seem to have affected my appetite. 

 I’ll be fine.       

The weekend was here, and again,  I had a lot I planned to accomplish. With the cooler weather, I could tackle the garage and use those storage bins I bought a month ago to organize. I can make more progress on writing projects. I could plant some flowers in the front yard to brighten the landscape. Before the girls return next week, I must wash all the kid's bedclothes to kill the germs. I need to organize the bathroom. I could finish reading that book I started. 

Sigh. None of that is happening.  

So much for the best-laid plans.

A slow downturn of your health can stop whatever momentum you might have, and fast. You think you might want to take on a project, but your body says otherwise.  

Feeling ill and tired for long periods makes me a bit depressed, so I try to accomplish something, anything, to feel some sense of control again. I know it's ridiculous.  I’m just not good at being sick. 

I managed to finish painting some stepping stones that I’d been putting off for a while. It required little thought and effort and could be done while sitting, with one hand used to hold up my head and the other holding the paintbrush. 

All my sighing didn’t change anything or make me feel any better any faster. It also didn’t make my husband pop up and ask how he could help me.  After all, it was a big NFL weekend. The cats still wanted their afternoon canned food and treats. I still had a persistent appetite that required food preparation.

So, I took a nap each day, which I also never do, and spent much of my time in front of the TV with my blanket, watching football with my husband. If you can’t beat them, join them, right? 

As Scarlett in Gone With the Wind  says, “After all, tomorrow is another day.”

And it was. By Monday, I was as good as new.

I know that I tend to overdo the to-do lists. Perhaps I’ll set my sights a little lower for this upcoming week. It may be just as satisfying to quietly enjoy the day as it is to seize it. Maybe.

Sigh.  Taking a deep breath now. 

I’m going to refocus on that “one day at a time” attitude I used to have. I am going to be grateful for all the good things that happened today and not be so fixated on what didn’t happen. 

I’m also going to remember that in April, my husband and I will be going on our own three-week vacation.

 Life is good, even on days when it doesn’t all go as planned, even on days when nothing whatsoever goes as planned. 

Sigh.

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I finished writing today and started to distract myself with Facebook. The first post I saw was this poem:

LET YOURSELF REST

If you’re exhausted, rest.

If you don’t feel like starting a new project, don’t.

If you don’t feel the urge to make something new,

just rest in the beauty of the old, the familiar, the known.

If you don’t feel like talking, stay silent.

If you’re fed up with the news, turn it off.

If you want to postpone something until tomorrow, do it.

If you want to do nothing, let yourself do nothing today.

Feel the fullness of the emptiness, the vastness of the silence, the sheer life in your unproductive moments.

Time does not always need to be filled.

You are enough, simply in your being.

- Jeff Foster  Life Without A Centre 

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Hmmm. Serendipitous?  Perhaps.

Wishing you a restful day. 

Thank you for reading!

Keep smiling!

xx